Struggling to Float

Women of Courage and Integrity who devoted their lives to the Most High,

I have been a Christian for a long time. Too long, sometimes. In Junior High, I had a hunger for God but I never was able to hone in on when it was God speaking to me, and when it was just me.

I tried asking for help, but I was told things like "You just have to listen, you'll hear Him" or "When the time is right, you will hear His voice." So naturally, I began to make the logical assumption that since I can't hear Him, then He must not speak to me. I would tell myself that is not how God works with me.

Of course, there was a part of me that just didn't believe that. So I would go and ask those in ministry and leadership for specifics. I would observe others and then ask them.  "Oh, so when this happens that is how he speaks to you." Those poor people.

I set out on a mission for someone to tell me exactly what happens so that way I can be aware. I will know what to look for. I was so hungry for help. But that help never came.
I think in large it is because often times we are ashamed to reveal our secrets, our struggles. We want people to assume we have it all together. We want people to see and think only good things about us. But that is not real. That is not truth. So, here I am laying it all on the line, so you can see how God has worked in my life and spoken to me and through me. Call me crazy. Call me whatever you want. I am doing this for the Junior High Me's out there crying out for direction and something concrete to hold onto.

Now, I cannot claim that you will have the same journey as me or that you will "just know" because my knowledge is more of a trial and error...mostly error. :) Either way, enjoy reading my journey as I struggle to learn to float in a sea of uncertainty.

Be blessed as Ruth was blessed.